Welcome to The UG Bible

Here's what we have so far:

1. If you get an erection, just tuck it up under the waistband of your shorts and pants, this will keep it hidden. Most of you might already know this, but it has helped me many a time. (fearofthemark)

2. Before you take a shower, bring a glass of cold water (or beer?) with you, and drink it while in the hot shower. It feels amazing. (fearofthemark)

3. Jerking off to youtube videos is sometimes more gratifying than real porn (BlitzkriegAir)

4. Get a cough drop and a cube of ice, place them in your mouth, enjoy the awesomeness. (BlitzkriegAir)

5. Try having a cold glass of water after brushing your teeth. (chaoticfables)

6. Eat a ripe mango, then smoke weed one hour later. you will get HIIIIGGGHHHH (poopsmith666)

7. Thin-style hotdog bun + banana + peanut butter + nutella + honey = worlds best stoned food (poopsmith666)

8. loosen grip and increase speed just before ejaculation, then tighten grip during. (sylphin)

9. If you find the right spot, you can stick a nail or any other long thin object in your nose (like 4 inches in) and it's completely safe. Pretty cool party trick if you get it down. (El Hilliario)

10. Before getting dressed in the morning, put your underwear on the radiator for 10 minutes. Then put them on. (TheLukeMaxfield)

11. When you tie your shoes, also knot the loops. Double knots ftw, they wont ever slip, and they are as easy to open as normal knots. (Gakbez)

12. If you suck at rolling joints, roll the paper around a pencil giving it the proper form. Lick the glue and place it over the pencil sealing it and move the paper down to the end of the pencil where the lead is and twist the loose paper to close it there. Put your mashed up weed in a bowl and just use the joint to shovel the weed inside it, using the same pencil to compact the weed in the joint. (true_bacon22)

13. Orange Juice + Gingerale = Magical cure for allergy and cold symptoms. (rootbeerjuice)

14. When you play FPS shout and curse like crazy! It makes the headshots so satisfying. (R0B0_Ninja)

15. Get some coffee at a reasonable temperature (Not boiling hot, but not cool either) and put some ice cubes in the cup, when you put the cup to your lips, your lips will feel cool, but then you get to enjoy the sweet (or bitter, it's all up to you) warm coffee within. Also great with tea! (osXtiger)

16. Bananas are a good remedy for hangovers, and drinking a lot of water before you fall asleep may even prevent them. Weed is also a good hangover cure. So is drinking when you wake up (TheTortured, Ecliptica24, metal_al73 & maidenfan15)

17. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you have no toilet paper in a public restroom, use your socks. It may sound disgusting, but they are not a very valuable/noticeable article of clothing, and can be worn like a puppet, allowing you to really get in there and wipe. (JacobLampman)

18. Replace the regular butter you usually put in your hot pasta with a generous portion of peanut butter. You can then proceed to enjoy the pure awesomeness. (Astyan)

19. Before a party where you know you'll drink a lot, take an aspirin along with your dinner, even if you don't have any headache or pain. (Astyan) FALSE.

20. Get "A Real Diamond in the Rough" or "Electric Tears" by Buckethead, then play it in the background when you go to sleep. (Astyan & maidenfan15)

21. When fapping, Grab 4 or so pieces of Kleenex and make them into a type of condom. Just screw the kleenex and when the time comes to ejaculate all the mess will stay in the Kleenex. (Ssargentslayer)

22. Never ever drink orange soda with nachos. They taste like puke together. (Data Helmet)

23. If you like a girl, don't tell her, show her. Telling a girl you like them makes you seem desperate and vulnerable, which is a turn off for almost every girl. (maidenfan15)

24. Never ask somebody that was in the armed services if they have ever killed somebody. (maidenfan15)

25. If you write lyrics, always carry around some type of way to write down any lyrics that may come in your head. (maidenfan15)

26. If you get high, listen to a Pink Floyd album all the way through. (Dark Side of the Moon is my personal favorite). It's a lot more fun if you do it with friends. (maidenfan15)

27. Get some peppermint and crush it with your teeth, but do not swallow it. When it's all crushed, take a shot of vodka and swallow it all. Feel the pain. (basilbrush)

28. When you have troubles peeling your banana try opening it from the bottom. Use your nail to split the end and pull the two sides apart. (frankv)

29. When you're drinking Bacardi try mixing it with Spa & Fruit Lemon. I call it Spacardi. I've heard any lemon flavoured sodas taste amazing mixed with Bacardi though. (frankv)

30. When you're playing guitar, put your phone in your back pocket instead of your right or left pocket. If it's too close to your guitar the pick-ups will pick up signals causing little bleep sounds. (frankv)

31. Don't eat before you go drinking if you want get drunk REALLY easily. (batman187)

32. If you get into an argument with someone and they start yelling don't yell back or you'll just end up with two really pissed off people. (batman187)

33. Pulling it out is not a valid method of birth control. (Dreaminmusic)

34. buy a tin to store your picks. it will save you in the long term (blankoff)

35. Don't write test answers on your hand. Write them on your leg, then during the test, put the leg with the answers on top of your other thigh, and roll up your pants. (migueltherocker)

36. At least once in your life, sleep with your window open during the winter. (biga29)

37. Always sleep with the window open during the summer. (biga29)

38. Pour Baileys Irish Cream in your hot chocolate. It's like a warm White Russian. (AngryGoldfish)

39. Or soak marshmellows in Baileys Irish Cream, then freeze with an ice-lolley stick wedged inside. Wait a few hours and serve to the kids. (AngryGoldfish)

40. Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store. If you leave them connected at the stem, they will ripen faster. (blankoff)

41. If you hold your thumbs down with your fingers and press then down as hard as you can you will never gag. (ryan_nadon)

42. If you want fresh, hot fries from fast food places every time, ask for them without salt (say youre on a low-salt diet if you need to). most places salt all their fries as soon as they remove the batch from the fryer. if you ask for fries without salt, they'll make a small batch on the spot for you. sure you have to wait a few minutes, but it beats cold, soggy fries. (NoLaurelTree000)

43. When you are producing massive doo-doo logs, put a few pieces of toilet paper on top of the toilet water to prevent a splash. (indie_prep)

44. Get as many people into a movie for the price of two.
1) Just buy two tickets for you and a friend while your other friends wait outside.
2) During the trailers, one of you walks out of the theater with your ticket and your friend's.
3) Make sure the usher at the door gets to know your face as you walk out (tell him you'll be right back).
4) Give your friend's ticket to one of the friends waiting outside.
5) Both of you can walk into the theater with no problem because the two of you have tickets.
6) Once again, make sure the usher gets to know your friend's face.
7) Repeat steps 2-6 as many times necessary. Always mix up who goes in and out so that the ushers don't get suspicious. Steps 3 and 6 are important in case they check everyone inside for tickets; the usher will skip you and your friends because he recognizes your faces as people with tickets. (sticksause)

45. Coke + Rum + A bit of lemon = Cuba Libre. Best drink I've ever had. (migueltherocker)

46. At McDonalds, get a junior chicken but ask for Southwest sauce on it, it costs like 14 cents or something, but that means you get a little southwest chicken sandwich for like $1.50 instead of like $5 for a slightly smaller version. (poopsmith666)

47. Put some lemon juice, like the squeezable bottled type, into your bongwater, makes the blowing out of smoke taste like a lemon drop candy (poopsmith666)

48.Listening to lateralus while sleeping will produce the most radical dreams you will ever experience. (louddog93)

49. if your going out with some friends dont hold back and be quiet, if they're good friends they wont care or they'll do it too and any strangers you see you will there is a 97% chance you'll never see them again so have fun. (speedy1330)

50. If you have a cold and can't breathe through your nose, eat some Trebor Extra strong mints (Or something similar) and drink a glass of cold water (CTFOD)

51. Lick the roof of your mouth really fast to get rid of brain freeze. Also, thumb to the roof of your mouth.

52. 2. If you cut a grape in half and have the skin between the halfs then put it in the microwave (in an upside down cup) you can make plasma. If your microwave has a spinny thing on it, take it out. WARNING. MAY DESTROY MICROWAVE.

53. Before you go to bed, and before you wake up, stretch. Touch your toes, etc. It will help you get a better night's sleep, and prepare you for the day ahead. (Todd Hart)

54. The key to singing is having overwhelming confidence. Thats why Kurt Cobain and Jim Morrison are famous. (gengisghandi)

55. Learn to play chess. It impresses some people a lot. (gengisghandi)

55. if you order pizza while drinking at a house always save a few slices and eat them in the morning. Nothing tastes better. (metal_al73)

56. if at a gig never jump around or go in a mosh/circle pit directly after or during drinking beer.(metal_al73)

57. sign up to any bands website that you like, best way to get into presale tickets, same goes for festivals.(metal_al73)

58. if you dont like head rushes cough before you stand up. this should prevent them, works for me anyway.(metal_al73)

59. More hiccup curing techniques: Take a deep breath and then start talking. Doesn't matter what you say, just gibberish will do the trick, but make sure it is a constant flow of sound. Don't take any breaths, use up all the air you can. Repeat a few times if necessary, but it usually does it first time round for me. (entity0009)

60. When watching any sporting event, yell. Loudly. It makes me feel much better. (jld8111)

61. If youre running late, brush your teeth in the shower (jld8111)

62. The most vivid dreams happen just when you get to sleep or just when you're about to wake up. So feel free to attach yourself to that pillow a little more and dream like a motherflocker. (Xodah)

63. Salt. Baileys shot. Lime. Tastes like ice cream cake. (Xodah)

64. Everyone can learn to sing. (Xodah)

65. When you get hiccups, lick the roof of your mouth from side to side. It cures it. (Todd Hart)

66. Try sleeping naked. Always such a free feeling, and the warm feeling of a bed is augmented. (DashBlaster)

67. A good mood is made better by simply smiling at somebody. Don't say anything, just smile. (DashBlaster)

68. got teh hiccups? Have a little sip of lemon juice. Goneinstantly. Also works with vinegar. (sglover34479)

69 (lololol). Learn to play pool (or darts) really well. Procede to make bar bets (this could be dangerous if you hustle, but the pay off would be larger). (genghisgandhi)

70. If at band rehearsal, you want the whole band to listen to a song on your iPod, you could place the earphones near (on) your guitar's pickup and play the song through your guitar amp. Use the clean channel and roll down the tone knob on your guitar to keep it from being too bright. (sashki)

72. If you have a headache, apply pressure to your forehead, numbs that pain for several minutes (autumnfallsbest)

73. get two metal forks and stick them into either ends of a pickle, attach the other ends of the forks to a battery, creating a circuit. the pickle will light up (cwl)

74. To fart silently, pull your asscheeks apart with your hands. (muffinbrain)

75. Never drink coke after eating chocolate. It will taste horrible (muffinbrain)

76. f you want to tell someone the truth, make them laugh. otherwise they'll hate or kill you. (catursly)

77. if you're depressed, buy a cat. they remind you that not everything in life nature has a purpose. (catursly)

78. Bulbasaur sucks, Squirtle is the best and Charmander will become a ing dragon once fully evolved. (JacobLampman)

79. If you get depressed, go for a long walk outside; don't just go to bed. (blue_strat)

80. Make shopping lists. They save you from buying unnecessary things. (blue_strat)

81. When shaving with a razor, use hot water when shaving (to soften the hairs) and cold water when rinsing (to close pores and stop any bleeding). (blue_strat)

82. If you ever get bored and have some old, unusable celluloid picks lying around, you can burn them. (SlayingDragons)

83. Instead of using sugar to sweeten your coffee, use instant hot chocolate. (SlayingDragons)

84. If you ever get bored of fapping with your hand, take a regular latex glove, and cut off one of the fingers. The thumb and middle work the best. Lube up the inside with baby oil, shaving gel, shampoo, or something like that, slip it on, and fap like you normally would. (SlayingDragons)

85. Do 5-10 sit-ups every day before going to bed. You will sleep nicely and eventually, you will see a difference in your body build. (thedefrockednun)

86. Dont carry on with education for the sake of partying or just getting a degree; only do it if you know the subject you are studying and enjoy it alot. (the666thmessiah)

87. Wanna get past your comfort zone of cliche guitar playing? Learn music theory ….NOW! (bobsam3)

88. If your struggling in school try teaching yourself the subject from books rather than a teacher you gain a much better non-spoonfed understanding (bobsam3)

89. If you get a splinter then put glue on it, when it dries you should be able to peel the glue and splinter away. (mattman93)

90. If you're worried about a gig, practice with a harder instrument. For example, if you're playing a gig with an electric guitar, practice with an acoustic. The end result will be much easier. (Rock_Rebel)

91. If you ever have blue balls and they aren't going to get fixed through the proper means, stress your body by pushing against a heavy object or something similar. Your entire body doing hard work causes your blood vessels to open up. Fixing the problem. (C/ruel)

92. On most water meters theres a rubber ring on the connection, if you take it out and put a clothes hanger there, the water meter wont register. (bass-man9712)

93. To impress others with your guitar playing, play things that everyone will know. It won't work with people that play guitar, but with everyone else it will work. (chaoticfables)

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